7 Things You Should Never Say To A Woman Recovering From Childbirth

7 Things You Should Never Say To A Woman Recovering From Childbirth Childbirth is one of the most monumental events of a womans life. It is physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting even under the best of circumstances. When its over, the work doesnt end tzu siche. In fact, it has only just begun, and it continues through an even more exhausting, challenging, and life altering phase life with a new baby.Although a woman mayfeelmore battered and exhausted than she ever has in zu sichbeibei life, there is zero time to quietly rest and recover because now she must care for her new baby. If she is a first-time mom, her life will change in ways she never imagined. Even if she has other children, she will still go through a transition period with her new familyand will still have the difficult job of recovering from childbirth.If you have the privilege of visiting a new mom in the early weeks and months after she gives birth, know that your words and actions can impact her more than you realize. Not only is she dealing with major life changes, but her hormones are all over the place. Its a perfect storm only women who have been there understand.Your job is simple dont make things harder for her. Dont say anything that will leave her feeling frustrated, worried, or angry. Be kindand take musiknote of these seven things you should never say to a woman recovering from childbirth.1. Dont say anything negative about the way she gave birth.Maybe she had the birth of her dreams, or maybe she learned the hard way that even the best birth plans can go awry. Either way, dont pass judgment on the way she gave birth.Moreover, if she makes any comments that sound like she is beating herself up over the way things went, make sure you tell her shes a rock star. She may not realize it, but she needs to hear it.2. Dont judge the way she feeds her baby.Emotions will run high early on as a woman navigates how best to feed her child. Maybe shell breastfeed. Maybe shell formula fe ed. Maybe shell do a little of both, and maybe it will be even more complicated than that.A new mom can become racked with guilt if her initial feeding plans dont work out.You dont know the reasons behind why a woman feeds her baby a certain way, and unless she voluntarily tells you, its not your business to know. This is also not the time to get preachy about feeding styles and which is bestso dont even thinkaboutcommenting on it.3. Dont brag about how quickly it took you to bounce back after birth.Having a baby completely changes a womans body. Some women do bounce back right away, but many dont. For a lot of us, it takes a while, and its usually the last thing on a womans mind as she recovers from childbirth.The first weeks and months postpartum are an incredibly vulnerable time and playing the comparison game can be devastating. So, dont give a new mom a reason to feel shes failed in some way. If you left the hospital in your pre-baby jeans, thats greatbut dont tell her that. Ha ve some empathy and save the story for another time.4. Dont say anything about her hogging her baby.New mothersespecially first-time motherscan be extremely overprotective of their babies. They worry about germs, whether their babies areeating enough, whether they feel loved, whether they are bonding well enough, and on and on.If you visit a new mom (first-time or otherwise) and she lets you hold her baby, dont act put out if she asks for the baby back. Dont say you get to hold the baby all the time or call her a baby hog. That baby may be outside of her body, but it is still deeply tied to her.During those first weeks after birth, that new mom is acting on raw instinct. Any perceived threat to her baby is incredibly distressing, and that includes refusing to hand the baby back when she asks. Dont give her a reason to go into beast mode and dont cause her undue stress.5. Dont mention anything about work.If shes on maternity leave, dont bother her with work problems. Dont even share the latest office gossip unless she asks to hear it, and dont make her think about when shell be returning. For many women, that date looms overhead like an impending storm. Just let her rest and save the drama for another day.6. Dont complain about how hungry/thirsty/tired you are.However hungry you are, shes hungrier. Same goes for thirst, and dont even get me started on how tired she is. Shes exhaustedprobably more than she ever has been in her life. So, keep your complaints about your own discomfort out of earshot, and for the love of all that is holy, dont expect her to cook or clean in anticipation of your visit.7. Dont comment on her appearance except to say, you look amazing.A woman will never, ever look as ragged or feel as vulnerable as she does when she is recovering from childbirth. No matter how she gave birth, her body is likely thrashed. She feels like she ran a marathon and then got hit by a car.She hasnt slept in days, weeks, and months. Shes maybe resting two hours a night and it shows. None of her clothes fit. She feels lumpy and weird. Its like the feeling of being an awkward twelve-year-old multiplied a thousand times over.Dont ask when or how she plans to lose the baby weight. Dont tell her about the miracle detox you did after your baby was born. Dont suggest a facial serum. Dont say anything except you look amazing. Tell her she looks great and that you cant even tell she just had a baby.Tell her she looks beautiful and rested. She will literally weep tears of joy and appreciation. Ask me how I know.If any of this sounds unreasonable, I can assure you it is not. It is humane and kind, and the very least you can do for someone you care about and who cares you about you enough to let you into her world while she is recovering from childbirth.--Candace is a practicing attorney, working parents advocate, freelance writer, and proud mom. Her legal practice focuses on workers rights. She can be found writing about law, motherhood, and more on her blog as The Mom at Law.